Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
