That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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