I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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