threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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