I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
