oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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