I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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