U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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