I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
