I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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