I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
