How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Two words: nipple clamps
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