Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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