I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
