when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just google imaged poop.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
