Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you still have your period?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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