I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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