Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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