She said her name was "party"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
