Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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