bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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