i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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