I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We have started to decorate penises.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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