I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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