I must be too annoying 4 u.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
high people should be assigned attendants
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
