I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
