Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
