Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
