oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
