i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
