Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
