she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Banned from zoo.
Again?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
