His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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