and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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