For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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