I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
