But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how drunk are you?
Several
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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