Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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