I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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