she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
