She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
