He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she peed on how many people?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
