No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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