I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
