If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
