I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
