i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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