i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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