Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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