he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wear drunk well.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
