Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm so fucking centered right now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize