she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
