Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
