Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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