I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
