Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
