the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
