I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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