Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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