It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
