i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
